I Was There

Carole Breslin

by carole breslin

O my beloved Lord,

I was there when Peter denied Thee
I, too, feared being known as Thy close
Follower and then could see
Thy loving eyes turn toward me.

No rebuke nor anger was in Thine eyes
But only love and mercy untold.
Yet I was there and I denied Thee.

Yes, my merciful Lord,
I was there when they scourged Thee
As they mangled Thy Sacred flesh.
I was there.
No, I did not witness Thy pain
But I was there
As I ignored Thy divinity

In the veil of bread and wine.
Oh, Lord, now I see and prostrate fall.
For now I see Thy suffering in Thy humanity
As Thou doest turn and beseech me|
With all Thy heart to see
How Thou doest love me.

O, my loving teacher,
I was there when they crowned Thee.
Thou didst endure all the blows and curses
Which came from my lips and theirs.
Regally did Thy reign upon Thy throne
Of pain.

And there with love unknown
With mercy yet unseen
Thou accepted my cruel
Homage of humanity.

O, my fearless leader,
I was there as Thou didst show the way.
I stood amidst the crowd as they
Jostled and they downed Thee.
Not I like Veronica who stooped
To soothe Thy face.
No, I was one who joined
With the heartless human race
As they lusted for Thy death.

For I did not choose the Way of love
That leads to Calvary,
But turned and went
To find my own empty gaiety.

O, my merciful Master,
I was there when they nailed Thee
To a tree.
When Thou didst spread Thy arms
To offer eternity,
I took up worldly charms.

I nailed Thee to the tree.
As you reached out your hand in love,
E’en after all I’d done,
I grabbed not out of shame
But wounded it instead ,
I nailed Thee to the tree.

O, my Lord and Master,
Still I was not done.
In death I would not leave Thee,
But continued my abuse;
And even in death Thy mercy
Did not cease.

For even after Thy body hung inert
Even when creation trembled at the infamous deed
I had one task which must not be undone.
I took the lance.
I pierced Thy side and tore Thy heart asunder.

Then I stopped.
Then I saw
How much you truly loved me.

I failed in all I said.
I failed in all I did.
For in the veil of humanity
I saw, then, divinity hid.

While Thy water and Thy blood outpoured
In anguish there I saw Thee
Wash me with Thy grace
And embrace me in Thy mercy.

O, my loving Master,
So “late have I loved Thee.”
Now I long to serve Thee
And trod Thy path of love,
To follow in Thy footsteps of pain and misery.
While I struggle to understand
The greatest mystery:
To ponder and to wonder
Why Thou chose to die for me.